Life's For The Living
by Siiillltt
Summary: Sugawara rides a train eastbound to Tokyo and Oikawa doesn't check his phone as often as he should.


Oikawa can still play back the scene like a record player - and he does. Over and over again in his mind repeats the same _goodbye_ and the same _I love you, Tooru, I'll text you when I arrive in Tokyo!_

And he did text Oikawa. Never in Tokyo, though. He never arrived in Tokyo. But still his lover's final words to him echo mercilessly in that patient, loving voice of his, testing the taller man's resolve in which he promised himself that he wouldn't torture himself over it, Sugawara wouldn't want him to.

* * *

 _From: Kou-chan!_

 _[6/12/17 9:21 AM]_

 _\- Tooru?_

 _\- Tooru please are you there_

* * *

Even now, years later, Oikawa still finds himself searching the crowds for that unique shade of silver that he has never quite been able to accept as authentic (despite having seen it in less _saintly_ locations). Fruitless endeavors, really; the only person who could possibly have such a distinctively exquisite quality is -

* * *

 _From: Kou-chan!_

 _[6/12/17 9:22 AM]_

 _\- please, tooru text me back_

 _\- he has a gun_

 _\- tooru i love you_

* * *

\- no longer around.

Oikawa has always been this untouchable being. This is a universally acknowledged fact. Oikawa Tooru, Number One Setter. Oikawa Tooru, former captain of Aoba Johsai. Oikawa Tooru, unbreakable brick wall who feels only what is necessary to succeed. _Tooru, sweet, gentle Tooru, why are you crying? I love you so much. Let it out. I'm here now._

Oikawa, gentle?

* * *

 _[One Missed Call(s)]_

 _[From: Kou-chan!]_

 _[6/12/17 9:23 AM]_

* * *

Hardly. Only to him. Without Sugawara and his pure, honest, straightforward smile there is little reason to put on such an act. For Sugawara he would do anything, execute any action, fulfill any sin, short naught of murder or any equivalent.

To think there was a time when he might have done the opposite. College is a trial for nearly all, and hesitant he as is to admit it now, Oikawa was also victim to the College Curse.

Semester finals in particular proved to be an unyielding challenge to the first year student, inducing heavy amounts of stress on the overworked university starting setter and Astrophysics major.

Apparently, for one Sugawara Koushi, Early Education major with a part time job as a babysitter, it was just the opposite. His enchanting close-eyed, smooth-skinned, round-faced smile illuminated the college cafeteria, re-energizing and refreshing those who dare enter his circle of radiating benevolence.

This infuriated Oikawa.

* * *

 _From: Kou-chan!_

 _[6/12/17 9:25 AM]_

 _\- i dont know what is going 2 happen_

 _\- im scared_

* * *

Dishonesty has always infuriated Oikawa. He hates lies, he hates fake smiles. People with fake smiles lead fake lives, and for what benefit?

(Oikawa is a self-proclaimed hypocrite.)

So, the following week when the only two seats available in Seminar are both adjacent to Oikawa, he doesn't even bother to hide his disdain towards the shorter man when:

"Um, excuse me, Oikawa-san? May I please sit here?"

There is that fake smile again. Inauthenticity is disgusting.

Oikawa retaliates with a fake smile of his own - though it is much more antagonizing, given that he is _Oikawa Tooru_ \- and unhurriedly takes his bag from the right of him places it onto the floor beneath him.

Sugawara flinches and the fake smile is gone.

Good.

(Is he really that fragile?)

* * *

 _[Two Missed Call(s)]_

 _[From: Kou-chan!]_

 _[6/12/17 9:28 AM]_

* * *

Sugawara appears to be very put off for the remainder of the class. He pointedly avoids looking anywhere near his left, instead hastily scribbling notes onto a clean, unwrinkled sheet of paper in his notebook. There is heavy tension in his narrow frame, as if he is anticipating a jumpscare but doesn't know when. His dark eyes dart anxiously back and forth from the projection on the board to his notebook.

Oikawa hears an almost inaudible _bzzzz_ and looks around for a moment before his eyes land on the bag in his seat-neighbor's lap.

Sugawara looks up at the instructor before reaching into his bag and pulling out a phone.

 _From: Daichi-sama_

 _[2/28/12 12:30 PM]_

 _\- Suga! You better get your ass down to Miyagi this spring! Grace us ordinary humans with your ethereal presence._

 _\- also asahi and noya say hi_

 _[[Photo Attachment]]_

Oh. He didn't know those two were gay. What an unwelcome surprise. That's an image he wishes to unsee.

Sugawara does not respond, perhaps he did later, however a small smile (real, maybe? His fake and real smiles appear to be identical somehow) decorates his face and the tension in his body visibly subdues. His features soften and he is gripping his pencil far less abusively.

Weak.

* * *

 _From: Kou-chan!_

 _[6/12/17 9:29 AM]_

 _\- tooru wht do i do tell me wh at 2 do_

 _-_ _he has a little girl_

 _\- he keps sauing hell shoot her if we dotn get down bt were all dwn_

* * *

Sugawara does not attempt to sit next to him again, much to Oikawa's extreme shock. Instead, the fake man seems to intentionally arrive early in order to secure a seat on precisely the opposite side of the room.

Aside from the fact that his angelic behavior is clearly artificial, Oikawa has a difficult time believing that Sugawara isn't actually a product of genetic experimentation. Nobody can possibly be so gorgeous. Oikawa tells himself that he isn't wrong to admit this, because a fact is a fact regardless of how unpleasant it may be.

Or perhaps.

Perhaps.

PERHAPS.

...Sugawara is an alien?

This is definitely a theory worth investigating.

* * *

 _From: Kou-chan!_

 _[6/12/17 9:29 AM]_

 _\- u know i ilove u so much tooru, rite?_

 _\- so, so much_

* * *

 _[?/?/?]_

 _Oikawa always feels best with his boyfriend wrapped tightly in his arms, knowing that as long as he is there no harm can come to Sugawara. He acts as a security blanket, keeping him safe and secure and allowing Sugawara the knowledge that he will always be there for him, with him, no matter where he physically resides._

 _Now, too, Sugawara - the most precious thing to ever exist - takes his rightful place against Oikawa's chest, breathing sleepily with a fist curled lightly against Oikawa's shirt. Their legs intertwine along the length of their bed and Oikawa strokes the smaller's hair with the arm strewn under his still so scrawny shoulders._

 _So small. So fragile against Oikawa larger, more muscular frame. He presses the body closer against him and feels a steady heartbeat intermingle with his own._

 _He hears a tiny whining sound and feels the hand clutching his shirt tighten. "Tooru?"_

 _Oikawa smiles down fondly at the crown of his lover's head. He scratches his scalp gently, eliciting a content mewl from the boy. Sugawara is so adorably reactive. "Yes, love?"_

 _"I know that you love me, but, like," he tilts his head up to look into Oikawa's eyes, displacing his hand. "You love me, right?"_

 _Undoubtedly_ _. Irrevocably. Unequivocally. With all of his being. There are so many big words he could use but doesn't, because they could never be enough._

 _Sugawara's gray eyes are so soft looking up at him, so vulnerable. He puts so much faith into Oikawa. So much blind trust that he is so undeserving of._

 _But Oikawa would never dream of betraying it._

 _He lowers his hand to thumb against Sugawara's cheekbone (so bony and frail, yet so strong). He can feel Sugawara's heart rate speed marginally against him._

 _"There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. Every day I think there is no way I could possibly love you any more, yet every day I love you a thousand times more than before."_

 _Sugawara's cheeks heat and he looks abruptly away from his boyfriend, burying his face back into his neck. He curls his body farther into Oikawa's and lets out a shaky exhale._

 _So, so, so cute._

* * *

 _From: Kou-chan!_

 _[6/12/17 9:30 AM]_

 _\- i jus twant u 2 know u mean evrythng 2 me_

* * *

Sugawara Koushi is most definitely not an alien, he determines.

Oikawa is only mildly disappointed in this development. He'd hope that aliens aren't fake, conceited pieces of shit.

His theory was demolished when he encountered Sugawara in the locker room after practice. He stood under the heat of the shower with his head pressed against the wall. Quiet sobs filled the air and Oikawa wasn't sure if he should leave or risk being accused of voyeurism.

Oikawa retrieved his bag and set out for the exit at the other end of the locker room, but not without first sneaking a peak, to make sure that Sugawara isn't about to, like, die or something because that would be awful and given that he is witnessed to be in the general vicinity he really doesn't wanted to be convicted of murder as that might cause irreversible damage to his career -

Oh. Well, he definitely isn't about to bleed out.

(Not cute. Not hot.) Gross.

* * *

 _From: Kou-chan!_

 _[6/12/17 9:30 AM]_

 _\- u would do anethng 4 me and id do anythig 4 u right_

 _\- yes of course u wuld we alweys talk abt this hahhaha_

* * *

Oikawa is ashamed to realize that discovering that Sugawara is, in fact, most probably human (he's not yet willing to rule out genetic experimentation) has resulted in him developing a minor case of Sexual Attraction toward Sugawara.

("Please, like you've never dreamed of being probed by alien dick," Iwaizumi says somewhere back in Miyagi.)

He deems it an illness easily cured. More of an itch to scratch than anything, really.

There's just one issue.

Sugawara is most probably terrified of him.

* * *

 _From: Kou-chan!_

 _[6/12/17 9:30 AM]_

 _\- tooru u know im a school techer right_

 _\- there r kids on here_

* * *

Well, maybe not terrified. Maybe more so intimidated or perhaps just a slight case of fear. Oikawa doesn't think he's that bad. Aside from that one incident earlier in the year, he isn't sure what he could've _possibly_ done to earn Sugawara's timidity.

Recently, Sugawara has toned down his come-to-class-like-10-minutes-before-class-starts habit. Oikawa isn't naive enough to think that this means anything. Even so, Oikawa is pleasantly surprised to come in late one day to find an empty seat next to Sugawara. Sugawara, who always has two people flanking the seats beside him. This is a golden opportunity that has been presented to him.

He shall not deny such a gift.

It's a testament to Oikawa's willpower than he doesn't simply ask outright. (Except it's really not, because Oikawa isn't desperate.)

"Ah, Suga-chan! You wouldn't mind if I sat here, right?"

Good start.

Something akin, but not necessarily twin, to fear flashes across the young man's features before he schools them into a blinding smile. Fake, probably. But it doesn't bother Oikawa as much as it would have a couple months ago.

(Oikawa is beginning to think it might actually be a defense mechanism rather than an attempt to garner the attention of his peers for personal gain.)

"Of course not, Oikawa-san." Sugawara returns his focus to the front of the room, noticably less tense than the last time they were seat neighbors. Time heals, they say.

Sugawara's clean notebook from the beginning of the year is still flat and unwrinkled, but is now decorated with cute drawings of flowers and sketches that Oikawa guesses were referenced from various items in the lecture hall. Calligraphic words cover the interior of its cover.

 _Suga-san!_ a block of text on it reads. _we miss you so much! kageyama + tsukishima would probably say they dont but they totally do. we'll make you proud! -hinata shouyou_

 _Sugawara-dono,_

 _Still can't believe you left us for Kyoto_

 _Visit us more often, you jerk_

 _-Daichi_

 _P.S. stop adding sama to my name_

A red "-sama" is added to the end of Daichi's name in Sugawara's handwriting. Oikawa grins.

"Say, Suga-chan?"

Sugawara cranes his head toward him, tilting it a little bit. "Yes, Oikawa-san?"

* * *

 _From: Kou-chan!_

 _[6/12/17 9:32 AM]_

 _\- i think im gonna try 2 help_

 _\- 1 of the kids just strtd cryng nd i thnk_

* * *

Those big gray eyes are looking at him so inquisitively. How adorable. His hair bounces with every little movement he makes. How can someone fake that?

Oikawa gives him a smile, a real one. Sugawara's guard appears to be instantly lowered, his eyes softening. "Could I have your number?"

There's a minuscule flash of surprise before Sugawara breaks into a magnificent grin. _Pure_ is the word that first comes to mind. "Yes, absolutely!"

So easily excitable. Reactive.

Before he knew it, Oikawa was falling hard.

* * *

 _From: Kou-chan!_

 _[6/12/17 9:33 AM]_

 _\- Tooru he has a bomb on his chest_

 _\- why does he have a bomb tooru_

* * *

Oikawa doesn't know why he ever thought Sugawara was even remotely fake.

Every action and reaction the man gives is genuine and guileless. Every laugh, every cry - all of it is real. The way his eyes light up at even the littlest thing cannot possibly be feigned. He reads like an open book. He reads like a newspaper in a free newspaper stand, like the blinding sun on a cloudless summer day, with emotions unmasked and expressions uninhibited.

Oikawa can't help but stop short every time this embodiment of pureness and innocent is cast in his direction.

Sugawara Koushi is an unsuspecting being. Oikawa thinks he could do just about anything to the man if he so pleased. The power he has come to realize that he possesses, as well as the rest of the general population, terrifies him as much as it invigorates him, gives Oikawa the urge to find out exactly where Sugawara's limits lie.

He can't, though. That would be an abuse of what he holds - a debasement.

* * *

 _[?/?/?]_

 _Sugawara is lying shirtless stomach-down on their bed, eyes closed and humming peacefully to himself. Oikawa finds it endearing, just like everything else about his boyfriend._

 _Oikawa is straddling the backs of his thighs with a pallet of paint to the side, using his limited artistic abilities to attempt to create something beautiful enough to be considered worthy of having a place on Sugawara's back._

 _Oikawa begins with the largest of the three paintbrushes and wets it before spreading a base coat of pink paint from Sugawara's tiny shoulders down to his tiny waist and across the width of his tiny hips. Sugawara shivers at the cold sensation on his back and giggles as Oikawa delivers short, quick, ticklish strokes._

 _He then applies a slightly darker shade a little further in with the second brush, blending the edges and dabbing to create texture. He rinses the two brushes off in his cup of water on the bedside table and lets the paint sit to dry before he makes any more additions._

 _In the meantime, Oikawa reaches forward and begins stroking the lovely locks of Boyfriend Hair currently at his disposal, affectionately combing out non-existent knots while humming his improvised little tune. Sugawara's arches his neck to fit his head more snug into his hand. Oikawa gently pushes it back down, adding more pressure to relieve it of the strain. He uses his other hand to massage the back of his neck._

 _Sugawara attempts to hum along with him and chortles quietly when they can't seem to get into a rhythm with one another._

 _"Kiss me," Sugawara orders and Oikawa leans down to where Sugawara's head is turned and finds that it's all too easy to comply with his request._

 _Oikawa gives light, feathery kisses delivered purely with the intention of making Sugawara laugh that angelic laugh of his. He travels from Sugawara's lips, up his neck and to his earlobe. He nibbles at the tender cartilage with little bites before moving slowly back down his neck, leaving small trails of teeth marks as he goes._

 _Sugawara releases a high pitched whine when Oikawa begins to_ suck _. Oikawa links the fingers of his left hand with the back of Sugawara's while using the right to run up and down his side slowly, protectively._

 _His chest is covered with paint from his incomplete project - what was that about it "being worthy"? - but he couldn't care less, too busy savoring Sugawara's reactions, drinking in all that he is willing to give._

 _Mine mine mine._

 _He gently lifts Sugawara with both arms before turning him so he lays on his back on the plastic protecting their bed. He then returns to his place hovering above and then he is licking and biting at his collarbones. He squeezes Sugawara's thighs tightly between his calves and cups both of his cheeks with his hands. They look into eachothers' eyes and see reflections of passion and adoration._

 _Sugawara deserves to feel precious, because that's what he is. Sweet and caring and such an invaluable human being._

 _The shorter man whimpers under such a protective embrace that holds so much intimacy in such a short moment._

 _Oikawa's heart flutters. He leans his forehead to rest carefully on Sugawara's._

 _"Tell me you love me," Sugawara commands breathlessly._

 _No problem there._

 _"I love you." Oikawa whispers, afraid that anything louder might cause a rupture in this careful little universe they've created together._

 _"Again, please?" Sugawara looks pleading as he asks, as if Oikawa wouldn't grant him anything he desired._

 _"I love you, Koushi."_

 _"Again."_

 _"I love you. So beautiful, my wonderful Koushi. I love you so much."_

 _"I love you, Tooru. More than you can ever imagine."_

 _Oikawa doubts that._

* * *

 _From: Kou-chan!_

 _[6/12/17 9:32 AM]_

 _\- tooru I love you so much_

 _\- you mean so much to me_

* * *

 _"One day I will make you the happiest person in the world, Koushi." Oikawa told him one day, completely straight-faced and all._

 _Sugawara just stared at him for a moment, searching his face for... something?_

 _And then he erupted with laughter._

 _Oikawa sat there in shock. He was only trying to be romantic, and..?_

 _"Rude!" he squeaked out and Sugawara laughed harder, leaning forward to wrap his arms around his neck, shuddering with beautiful giggles._

 _"Oh my god, Tooru, I love you so much. You're just so cheesy." He said in between breaths. "I'm so happy_ now. _And it's because of you."_

 _Oikawa slings his arms around Sugawara's middle and his legs around his hips, effectively trapping him inside six feet (and two inches. This is an important detail.) of University Volleyball Player. "Oh, so I'm the cheesy one, Kou-chan?" He buries his face in Sugawara's lavender-scented hair and semianimalistically rubs their cheeks together._

 _Sugawara giggles and rubs back. He threads his fingers through the soft hair covering the nape of Oikawa's neck. Oikawa leans into the touch. "Yes! You are!"_

 _"So would you think it was cheesy if I..."_

 _Sugawara is tackled - or, as tackled as one can get when the tackler is using his entire body to cling to the tacklee. It is more of a thrust forward that, surprise, leaves Sugawara trapped under Oikawa yet again. A common occurence, really._

 _But then Oikawa is assaulting his sides and Sugawara is crying with laughter. Oikawa is much stronger than his boyfriend and therefore highly capable of pinning him down and using him as he pleases, which Sugawara will be the first to admit he takes immense pleasure in._

 _He tries to tickle him back, he does, but it's such a difficult task when there is a large person trapping your arms, rendering them useless against the rampage._

 _They both know they Oikawa only does things like this to make Sugawara smile which, honestly, is a result that requires little effort to bring about._

 _And the heat of the moment rushes south when Oikawa intertwines their hands and lowers his hips against Sugawara's. He lets out a sharp, pleasured gasp and looks into Oikawa's half-lidded eyes with eagerness. He then lifts his hips up against Oikawa's own, bringing about the throaty moan that Sugawara might as well live for._

 _"Koushi..."_

 _"Tooru, I love you so, so much."_

 _"I love you, Koushi. Stay with me forever."_

 _"Forever, Tooru..."_

* * *

[3 Missed Call(s)]

[25 New Messages]

Oikawa wishes he hadn't missed them.

* * *

 _Good morning Kyoto, this is WNKJ, your favorite local news station!_

 _Of course, starting with the weather. Here is an outlook for the next three days!_

 _Today, June 12th, will be a sunny day. High 25 degrees, with a low of 24! Wow, what a lovely day!_

 _Tomorrow, June 13, we expect to be rather dismal with heavy thunderstorms and scattered lightning...make sure to stay indoors and follow safety protocol!_

 _Wednesday, June 14th..._

 _...make sure to thank your local policeman today!..._

 _...unlikely wildfires have broken out across Northern Tokyo..._

 _...and in a surprising turn of events, hero of the year Sugawara Koushi, twenty-five year old elementary school teacher, takes initiative and saves dozens of lives by using his body as a shield against a currently unidentified bomber on a train headed from Southern Kyoto to Tokyo. It's a true tragedy that the young man's life was taken. Sugawara Koushi, we thank you for your bravery..._

* * *

 _From: Kou-chan!_

 _[6/12/17 9:34 AM]_

 _\- tooru i dont know whats going to happen but i need you to know that no matter what i love you so so so much_

 _\- please be happy. if this is all a sick joke then i look forward to meeting u back in kyoto tomorrow. if not remember that i know u love me and tht i lv u 2_

* * *

 _To: T_ 👀 _ru!_ _[6/12/17 9:35 AM]_

 _[MESSAGE FAILED]_

 _\- well meet again i promise u_

* * *

( **A/N** : THIS WEBSITE'S FORMATTING IS FUCKING BULLSHIT)


End file.
